[IBU] Five Stages of Drinking

[Gordon, Lindsey M [FPM]]

I thought this was too good not to share.  It had me laughing so hard at
work :)
 
- Lindsey

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LEVEL 1:
It's 11:00 on a weeknight, you've had a few beers. You get up to leave
because you have work the next day and one of your friends buys another
round. One of your UNEMPLOYED friends. Here at level one you think to
yourself, "Oh come on, this is silly, why as long as I get seven hours
of sleep (snap fingers), I'm cool.".


LEVEL 2:
It's midnight. You've had a few more beers. You've just spent 20 minutes
arguing against artificial turf. You get up to leave again, but at level
two, a little devil appears on your shoulder. And now you're thinking,
"Hey! I'm out with my friends! What am I working for anyway? These are
the good times! Besides, as long as I get five hours sleep (snaps
fingers) I'm cool.".


LEVEL 3:
One in the morning. You've abandoned beer for tequila. You've just spent
20 minutes arguing FOR artificial turf. And now you're thinking, "Our
waitress is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen!" At level three,
you love the world. On the way to the bathroom you buy a drink for the
stranger at the end of the bar just because you like his face. You get
drinking fantasies. (like,"Hey fellas, if we bought our own bar, we
could live together forever. We could do it. Tommy, you could cook.")
But at level three, that devil is a little bit bigger....and he's
buying. And you're thinking "Oh, come on, come on now. As long as I get
three hours sleep...and a complete change of blood (snaps fingers), I'm
cool.".


LEVEL 4:
Two in the morning. And the devil is bartending. For last call, you
ordered a bottle of rum and a Coke. You ARE artificial turf! This time
on your way to the bathroom, you punch the stranger at the end of the
bar. Just because you don't like his face! And now you're thinking, "Our
busboy is the best looking man I've ever seen." You and your friends
decide to leave, right after you get thrown out, and one of you knows an
...after hours bar. And here, at level four, you actually think to
yourself, "Well....as long as I'm only going to get a few hours sleep
anyway, I may as well.... STAY UP ALL NIGHT!!!! Yeah! That'd be good for
me. I don't mind going to that board meeting looking like Keith
Richards. Yeah, I'll turn that around, make it work for me. And besides,
as long as I get 31 hours sleep tomorrow ...................cool.


LEVEL 5:
Five in the morning. after unsuccessfully trying to get your money back
at the tattoo parlor ("But I don't even know anybody named Ruby!!!"),
you and your friends wind up across the state line in a bar with guys
who have been in prison as recently as...that morning. It's the kind of
place where even the devil is going, "Uh, I gotta turn in. I gotta be in
Hell- at nine. I've got that brunch with Hitler, I can't miss that." At
this point, you're all drinking some kind of thick blue liquor, like
something from a Klingon wedding. A waitress with fresh stitches comes
over, and you think to yourself, "Someday I'm gonna marry that girl!!"
One of your friends stands up and screams, "WE'RE DRIVIN' TO
FLORIDA!!!!!"- and passes out. You crawl outside for air , and then you
hit the worst part of level five- the sun. You weren't expecting that
were you? You never do. You walk out of a bar in daylight, and you see
people on their way to work, or jogging. And they look at you-and they
know. And they say..."Who's Ruby?" Let's be honest, if you're 19 and you
stay up all night, it's like a victory like you've beat the night, but
if you're over 30, then that sun is like God's flashlight. We all say
the same prayer then, "I swear, I will never do this again (how long?)
as long as I live!" And some of us have that little addition, "and this
time, I mean it!"



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